I can still remember the day I lost her. I was not able to recognize the person I saw in the mirror.
She was not the same person anymore. She was different in every way – her eyes, her heart, her soul. She was so buried and lost inside. She was there, but not really. Or that was, what she thought. She isolated herself inside four corners of her room. She was completely lost.
Then came an angel who helped her find herself. She held her hand and together they went out. She went out to build, what was lost. She felt as if the whole world was inside her. She became happy but not grateful. She became better.
And then she fell in love. It was quite unexpected. She became hopeful again. She was so sure about it. Even no one ever told her that this was not perfect thing to do. Everything was beautiful or that was what she told herself each passing day. She saw silver lining beyond every incomprehensible arguments and situations.
‘You are fooling yourself’ voice screamed in her mind; which she overheard.
She was caught up in the fantasy created by her mind. But then the harsh truth punched her right in the face and wanted to wake her up from that dream, that nightmare actually.
She woke up. She didn't really wanted to but she had to, that's why she did it. It wasn't easy for her to make that decision. It was hard for her because she was so sure about what they had. She was so sure of that fantasy or illusion. Only to realize she was living in a very different and not-so-real world.
Days went by and she saw that same face in the mirror again. Sadly, she got lost again. For the nth time but this time, she had hit the rock bottom. She had again broken herself up into tiny pieces for she got broken before but managed to glue it up together. Now, the pieces were smaller. She didn’t know where or how to start. She couldn’t sleep, didn’t want to eat and even live anymore. Everything was shattered. It seemed easier to break down one more time than to pick up those tiny pieces. She couldn’t take it anymore. That’s when she cried out for help. She was losing her mind, her spirit and her soul. The fighter inside her was slowly drifting away. The fire inside her was getting smaller and smaller. She couldn’t see the light anymore.
Till one evening, while she was wiping her tears and forcing herself to get up, help came in. It was so familiar. She recognized it because it was the same help that she refused to accept years ago. It was the same angel. She was reluctant at first but was desperate to accept it. She told herself that it was what she needed and the help ‘Angel’ was right in front of her. So she grabbed the angel’s hand and she was directed to the real Help. She was directed to her One True Love.
It wasn’t an easy ride or walk as they say it but she was blessed not lucky. The angel carried her to meet her Love and introduced them to each other and that’s where it all really started.
She became curious and wanted to know him more. She was craving for his love and presence. She realized she can’t live a day without talking to him. She by all means fell in love. Yes, AGAIN! She fell in love with the gentle way he held her hands. She fell in love with his sweet embrace. It was in him she felt everything she needed to feel. The security and the assurance that she’ll never be alone again and the love she’s been searching for her entire life. And with his help, she was able to pick up those little pieces again. She was delighted to do so because she knew that everything’s going to be really fine from then.
Temptations came and left, for his love was stronger than anything or anyone else. There were times she lost focus and almost slipped through the cracks but he came to the rescue. He reminded her that trusting him without any questions will never be easy but it will be worth it. He wanted her to be obedient. He wanted her to surrender and let go off everything to him. He told her he will take care of her now and forever.
He was true to his words and so he did. As each page turned, she became new, with rough patches that needed healing. She’s still in the process of mending. But one thing she was thankful of was that she found herself. She found herself again. She started surviving against all odds. She finally found her solace, herself. So she reached for the mirror and was surprised on what she saw. It was her but better. It was her but not only her. It was weird but it was amazing. She didn’t only see herself but she also saw her One True Love beside her.
I never thought I’d see her again. I never thought that she can make it. But then, she did, I did! I know there will be more roadblocks ahead. There will still be days when I would want to be lost and go back to that comfort zone again but I’m not worried. I have him by my side and he will never allow it to happen. Holding on to his promises, choosing over and over again not to go back, and reminding myself who I am, with this in my mind and heart, and with him by my side, I know I’ll never get lost again. I finally found myself and finding myself led me to finding my True Love. And that’s how great 'Self Love' is. And Self Love Is Her One True Lover Who Helped Her Survive The Darkest Hour. Besides, if I Am with myself, who can be against me?