Uncertainty Is A Bliss

For those who are wondering how can Uncertainty be a bliss, I also used to be on the same note. Me being the true virgo in every sense and being the person i have always been, I have always hated uncertainty until recently when I discovered how gleeful it is to be uncertain.

 Learn to enjoy your present and give 100% without demanding a desired result.

Learn to enjoy your present and give 100% without demanding a desired result.

I have always been in control of my life right from my school days; did what i wanted to, studied hard and pursued all my hobbies. Had dream of graduating from National Institute of Technology, did it with flying colours, had dream of being known for dancing skills - had crown for that. Had dream of being Civil Servant rather than opting for a corporate or banking job, went for it against the wish of my parents.

After my graduation I started preparing for Punjab Civil Services exam, took my first attempt, could not make it through, which I handled with grace. I was certain beforehand that i am not gonna make it in my first attempt; I accepted my failure and moved on. Meanwhile, preparing for my second attempt I started dating a guy whom I had known since my college days.There too i was in control, knew what I wanted from it, just an acquaintance and him and me being on the same page. Things were going great, my parents were acceptive of my decision of preparing for Civil Services. In short, everything was under my control. As the days of my second attempt were getting closer I had already imagined of clearing it and then marrying that guy without him knowing about it. I was almost certain about him and completely certain of clearing my exam this time. My mentor,  my parents, my boyfriend, everybody around me had full faith in me; above and most of all I had complete faith in me.

Then came the D-Day - My Civil Services Exam, had faith in myself and cleared all three stages with good marks, but i was shocked at the end. I could not believe that this time too i was unsuccessful, that too with a meagre margin of 5 marks. When everyone around me was so supportive including my parents and my  boyfriend, I was not ready to accept my failure. From that moment I was in denial and for months not able to comprehend that how it could have happened, how could I loose control over my life. My studies, my relationships suffered a lot during that period of 4-5 months. I tried to shift the blame on my parents, how their skeptical approach towards my dreams led to failure and also blamed my boyfriend of everything.

Then eventually in order to regain control on my life, I pushed my boyfriend into getting married which paved way for my ego to pick fights on trivial issues with him. My temper used to be on fire, I was so mad at him for not being on the same page which in reality was myself not being on that page. I could not think of getting married not before my job. I wasn't sure what i was doing. I was desperate to gain control over someone or something. I was behaving bad with my parents too.

Only after going through hell for 5 months and driving other people too, one fine day I realised what I have been doing. It was no one else fault that i had failed. I had lost control of my life, that was something meant to happen. Life will not always give you what you want, it is supposed to be uncertain, to surprise you in each way possible. One cannot have everything the way they want. That day was like an Epiphany, suddenly i was acceptive to uncertainty. I was free, free from the burden of having control over my life, free of deciding what should come next. 

That day I learned to enjoy my present and give my 100% without demanding a desired result. That day onwards I was completely a different personality; not greedy for the desired results after putting in all the efforts.

Since that day I have been studying well and my relationship with my parents and boyfriend is back to normal and even better.

Note: Author is an Engineer and is currently working hard to fulfil her dreams, unwilling to disclose identity prior her success.