How I Broke The Vow of Silence !

Life story of Mrs. Karamjit Kaur in my words.

A peepul tree and it’s shade were enough to attract us for gossips. The setting sun was enough to drive us back to homes. I belong to the time when lanterns and candles had no substitute. I belong to the time when electricity was absent but life was present!

Now, I lay here in an air-conditioned room filled with light of a chandelier. They say it costs lakhs but to my dismay, it’s not bright enough to drive away darkness that I have within. Things now-a-days are beautiful but in those days they seemed to be more alive.

To my left lays my 85 years old husband. I have asked him to change side several times but he never listens to me. I have to turn ninety degrees to see him from my right eye. The paralysis attack took the vision from my left eye six years ago. My husband has his own world. He is busy staring at walls all day long, moaning inside for the unborn grandchildren, loss of hearing and being bed ridden. I remember him teasing and irritating me throughout the day and now he hardly speaks.

My son and daughter-in-law have so much to sort out in their lives. Life is pretty fast, I suppose. Still they manage to take out time to see their degrading parents every evening. And that’s the time I feel alive, I sense life around me. I wonder what my son and daughter-in-law would do in their old age? They are not even blessed with children! How would they feel alive?

Thinking about all this made my heart sink. I started spending hours and hours crying over the miseries and our karma. I was caught in such a web one morning. And some thought made me giggle. Why doesn’t god accept our Maun Vrat, the vow of silence? Throughout the day, we don’t utter a word and we are doing this since years. Almighty should reward us, at least me and my husband.

Right from my childhood, I never understood the logic behind the vow of silence. My neighbour used to practice vow to impress God. She kept her mouth closed but conveyed her thoughts through other means. She even used to fight with her daughter-in-law by using sign language.

I don’t know much about the vow of silence. But I think it would have something to do with controlling thoughts. Thinking ill and embracing negativity but not speaking out doesn’t make sense for me. Our thoughts shape us after all!

On that very day, I realised what I was doing wrong all these years. I was missing the control over my thoughts. I had to ignore all that was undesirable and think about good times I had lived in and better times that were to come. I worked upon it wholeheartedly but again landed on to the same note. It was not that easy. Not until my saviour came to rescue, to take me out of the clouds of negativity and hopelessness. Television it was.

I remember the day back in 1960’s when I heard about television for the very first time. I was young enough to accept new changes and new things back then. I heard all the crap of world regarding television - it has disgusting and dishonourable things, it’s not apt for children, it is addictive, it influences your thoughts in wrong way and much more! And I was convinced.

I removed all the perceptions and thought of giving it a try. At least once, without biases. And now after around six months of watching television every day, I am a changed person. More contented, more alive, more enlightened and more me. I have started living the life of my favourite stars. I smile with them and even cry with them but at least do not dive deep into negative thoughts. Whenever stress takes over, I just extend my hand towards the remote control. I am no more in depression.

The problem arises if something goes wrong with electricity or the remote control. No, no, no… I am not addicted. Ummm! May be I am.

My son says “You mom were not so TV worm before”. 

Well! If you ask me, “I was not even so alive before”.